Rebel Post: Nostalgia

Tonight was quite interesting and I'd like to share to my only reader and to my future self of what happened. I'm actually breaking my systematic habit of answering random prompts for each blog, but I think it's necessary and maybe in the future I'll be once again compelled to make another rebel post. w/e.

Yesterday, I had to fill out a survey asking about how much stress was part of my life, and although I already knew how tiny stress was in my life prior to the questionnaire, I found out that I do get sad and mopey only when I recollect my childhood memories. Oh, Nostalgia.

First off, I don't understand.
I don't understand how people purposely stress themselves out and somehow get depressed over academics. I don't understand why the only reason high school students want to get better grades is to get into a decent college, and for college students it's to get that six figure yielding job. Isn't it just more than that? Like, once you're there, then what?
Maybe it's just me. I'm just probably a really carefree, happy-go-lucky sort of guy, but I really think that everything should be towards God first and then your family. I mean if you know that you want to help out with God's work in the future and that you might want to have your own little family one day, surely, you wouldn't want to be deteriorating your health by pulling an all-nighter after another studying for an exam.
I dunno. :[ , I just get really uncomfortable when I hear other brothers and sisters complaining about how much school work they have and then see who had to pull the most "all-nighters" from the past week and just basically dumping everything from the academia world on Sabbath. I just don't understand. Can we have something more meaningful to talk about?

Well, there goes my little rant -.-

Well, anyways, the reason why I shared the former paragraph is because I went to go watch a movie with a roommate called The Social Network tonight. Basically, it's about this programming/hacking/networking genius who started this social experiment which we know today as Facebook, and it really inspired me to manage my schoolwork better and maybe hopefully be on top of my game when it comes to academics. However, as I thought more and more about it, I asked myself, "Why do I want to study harder and get better grades and graduate with a good degree and early?" Automatically I knew my answer: My future family. Then I asked myself "Then why am I already screwing up in school already? Shouldn't I be better with my study skills?" I'll admit; I'm already doing terrible in school and failed to realize, or maybe just out of lack of motivation, that I needed to do this for my future family and for God.
It was a good wake up call I guess.

Then when I came back home, I realized I left something at the theaters, so I drove another 20 minutes back to West Plano to grab it. However, on the way I passed by Souper Salad, where my mother and I would ALWAYS go to when we wanted to go out and eat, and my high school, Plano West. Only a couple of months ago and 20 minutes away from the location and I already feel so distant to those memories. I remembered my mother and I handing out church flyers to the waitress because she was Chinese (lol -.-), and I remembered having my first high school swim meet at the TMC and dominated everyone at that meet (...and then i sucked) , and I remembered going up and down Ohio, which I passed by, to go to church with my mother every Saturday morning, and just all these emotions and memories were just filling in my heart that I started to cry. I didn't cry because I felt lonely or distressed. I cried, I think, simply because I missed those days.

I remembered something like this happened when I first moved here to Dallas. Like, I remember that on one of the first couple of nights when I first moved, I started crying like mad.
I felt lonely. I felt depressed. It sucked being away from all my friends that I knew. I missed my younger days and wished I could just go back and be carefree once again. I wanted something to fill the void, more like, a person whom I can talk to about my problems and to love and be loved by that person. I knew that it should be God and only Him. I knew that…but I gave into my youthful lusts and had my first relationship. I’ll admit, I felt completely ecstatic and happy about the relationship during the first year or two, but inevitably that void of loneliness came once again.

However, now that I have God, I think that void has been filled and that my childhood moments are a blessing from Him and all I can do now is ‘miss’ them.

Then on the drive back from the theatre to Richardson, I started to listen to this 90s Japanese dance/pop song that my brother ALWAYS played when I was younger, (normally, I don’t listen to pop music, I even deleted all the secular music off my computer, but since the HD on the navi had it, for the sake of nostalgia, I started to listen to it) and it made me think about all the things associated with that song. I remembered that every time I heard that song, I was playing pokemon. Every time! Also, I remembered during that time that I was praying to God for Him to turn the world that I live in, that we all live in, into a pokemon world. And when that didn’t work out I prayed to God for at least a little Pikachu companion or something. Haha :p That was the first thing ever in my life that I legit-ly prayed about.

Sigh….good times :]
I think that’s all for tonight. Next time I’ll share about….how I got to be where I am today…yeah….okay…
I miss the 90s.